Kentucky Derby Time!!

I don't know if my mom started it or not. I do know I started reading Dick Francis novels because of her, and that has something to do with it. I'm talking about figuring out what you'd name your race horse if you had one.

In my opinion, there are a couple of factors that go into choosing the perfect race horse name. Perhaps you want to rub other people's nose in the fact that, heh, heh, you had few exra million dollars to blow and decided to buy a filly. You might choose a name like "Spencer's Folly" or "Mid-Life Crisis."

Maybe you're new money but you want to sound classy, so pick something like "Aristedes" or "Verdigris." Or your horse's name can tell the world how hip you are(n't). So you call him "Horse.com" or "Impeachment."

Personally, I might just aim for the funny. I would get a kick out of making the announcers say my pony's name as he careens around the rails or finishes last. Or I might get political, or just go for the smut factor.

Anyway, this weekend as you watch the derby (and I know you will, with your mint julep in hand, wearing your big hat), try inserting some of the following - my picks in the Run for the Roses.

Spotted Dick
Thay It With a Lithp
Beans Beans the Musical Fruit
Skidmark!
Smell the Glove
Avada Kedavra
Coitus Interruptus
Your Mother's Double Chin
Sanjaya
10,000 Dead Nuns & Orphans
and

Nova Scotia Bound

Another List

I would like to win a lifetime supply of, and never have to spend my hard-earned money on, the following:
1. socks
2. underwear
3. shampoo
4. batteries
5. tampons
6. bobby pins/hair ties
7. toothbrushes
8. milk
9. laundry detergent
10. cat food

What's on your list?

Another List

I really want to post something but I don't have any good stories that come to mind. So here's a list instead.

Favorite Drinks - not really in any order except #1
1. ice water - big glass, glass glass (not plastic), lots of ice cubes (big cubes, not crushed ice), infinite refills at hand.
2. iced tea - weak, almost like ice water, no lemon, no mint, NO SUGAR, lots of ice.
3. Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke - in a glass or styrofoam cup like at the gas station, must have ice.
4. dark beer - glass bottle or pilsner, not too heavy, microbrewery, Mexican, German - cold (I'm not British).
5. white wine - nothing too sweet, not picky.
6. gin and tonic - with a lime, light on the tonic.
7. margarita - original flavor (never had any other), preferable on the rocks but frozen OK.
8. non-dark beer - heffe weisse, other imported.
9. chocolate milk shake - think, but not so thick you can't get it through the straw, no whipped cream or other crap on top.
10. cafe mocha - basically a coffee disguised as hot chocolate, skip the whipped cream.